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Revisiting Jerry Seinfeld- Brilliance

Seinfeld redefines comedy. This was the last act that he did.

Looking at those last years of trick-or-treating you’re getting a little too old for it.Still out there, going through the motions.Bing-bong! “Come on lady, let’s go.””Halloween, doorbells, candy, let’s pick it up and…”They come at the door… they always ask you the same stupid questions:”What are you supposed to be?””I’m supposed to be done by now.””You wanna move it along the three musketeers.””I got 18 houses on this block, sweetheart.””Just hit the bag, we hit the road. That’s the way it works.”Sometimes they have that little white bag twisted on the top…You know that’s gonna be some crap candy.Doesn’t have the official Halloween markings on it.”Hold it, lady. Wait a second. What is this? The orange marshmallow shaped like a peanut?””Do me a favor, you keep that one.””We have all the doorstops we need already. Thank you.””We’re going for name candy only this year.”

And why is McDonald’s still counting?This is really insecure, isn’t it?40 gillion, 80 million, zillion, billion, killion, tillion…What is this?Does it mean anything to anyone?89 billion sold.”Ok. I’ll have one.”I would love to meet the chairman of the board of McDonald’s…Just to say to him: “Look, we all get it.””You have sold a lotta hamburgers.””Whatever the hell the number is.””Just put up a sign: ‘McDonald’s, we’re doing very well!'””I don’t need to hear about every goddamn one of them.”What is their ultimate goal? To have cows just surrendering voluntarily?Showing up at the door: “We’d like to turn ourselves in.””We see the sign… we realize we have very little chance out there.””We’d like to be a ‘Happy Meal’ if that’s at all possible.”

Clothing to me, for the most part, is just such a tremendous pain in the ass.If you think of the amount of time, mental effort, physical energy,that goes into your clothes: picking’em, buying’em, does that go with thatI don’t think I can wear that, I’m missing a button, this is dirty,I gotta get something new, that’s up my ass, can’t wear this…I think we should all wear the same exact clothes.Because it seems to be what happens eventually, anyway.Anytime you see a movie or a TV-show where there’s people from the futureor another planetthey’re all wearing the same outfit.I think the decision just gets made:”All right, everyone, from now on, it’s just gonna be the one piece silver suit””with the V stripe and the boots.””That’s the outfit.””We’re gonna be visiting other planets, we wanna look like a team here.””The individuality thing is over.”

Did you ever go to a big party, go into the bathroom,flush the toilet, the water starts coming up…This is the most frightening moment in the life of a human being.You’ll do anything to stop this.You’ll loose your mind, start talking to the toilet:”No, please, don’t do this to me!””No, come on, you know this is not my responsibility.””I didn’t make this happen.””I’ll get you the blue thing, the man in the boat,just let me off the hook this one time.”

Do the people that work in these shops in the airport have any ideawhat the prices are every place else in the world?”Yeah, $14 a tuna sandwich. We think that’s fair.”Then you get on the plane. The pilot of course always has to come on the PA system.This guy is so excited about being a pilot, he can’t even stand himself.”Well, I’m gonna take it up to about 20,000.””Then I’m gonna make a left by Pittsburg.””Then I’m gonna make a right by Chicago.””And then I’m gonna bring it down to 15,000.”He’s giving the whole route, all his moves.We’re in the back going: “Yeah, fine.””You know, just do whatever the hell you gotta do. I don’t know.””Just end-up where it says on the ticket, really.”

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.””

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”


About Amena Khan

Thinker | Minimalist | Writer | MBA | Fearless | Always 110% | Global Citizen | Limited Edition | The proof of the pudding is in the eating


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Amena Khan

Thinker | Minimalist | Writer | Fearless | Always 110% | Global Citizen | Limited Edition |

Hope your encounter with me is an inspirational one.

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